and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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