All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
