i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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