Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
