I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
