Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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