You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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