If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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