i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Soap is not a condiment
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
