the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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