why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
false alarm, still single
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
