I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
