no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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