I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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