Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize