is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
