I have demons in me.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
