I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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