just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
