Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Randomize
