saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
