if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
