He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
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Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
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I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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