And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
