According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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