I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
sarcasm needs its own font
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
