pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
