he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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