It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
