im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Randomize
