i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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