you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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