So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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