He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize