i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
