hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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