I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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