Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize