I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
