So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
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I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
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Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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