Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
At least make sure they are 18
Why
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
