highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
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