the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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