Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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