She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
