If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
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Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
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what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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