friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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