dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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