his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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