i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
