Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
No subtext here. People are naked.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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