my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
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how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
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I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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