just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
okay pat passed out under dana's car
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
