The best revenge is premature balding
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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