i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
