It was confusing and full of hummus
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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