I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
