what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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