I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
