when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
