so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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