So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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