Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
