That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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