Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
