Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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