dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
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