Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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